Alan has the car a lot these days and my bicycle is in the shop getting pampered like it's never been pampered its entire life so I'm walking everywhere lately. Which was perfect today. Walking, walking, walking, faster, faster, breathing deep, clenching the jaw, tightening then loosening the fists, rolling the head to loosen the neck, flaring the nostrils, humming, blinking extra frequent and extra hard, chewing, chewing air, chewing nuts, chewing gum. That's what I did today instead of killing anyone or smoking a cigarette.
I've made it since midnight last night so far. Pant, sigh. This is good. I will begin to smell wonderful things soon. The tiny, perky, supportive booklet that came with the Nicorette gum says I will taste new things soon too. I highly doubt that since Nicorette gum floods my mouth, throat and belly with a completely overpowering and fairly disgusting taste, and I'm popping them every two hours.
I've rented a whole stack of old movies in preparation for the insomnia I expect tonight. The last time I quit smoking, not only was it hard to fall asleep, but once I did fall asleep I'd wake up throughout the night alternatively because I was craving a cigarette, or in alarm because I dreamed that I smoked a cigarette.
In my calmer moments, when I can do that thing where I separate myself from my desire and observe myself from a distance, it's completely fascinating to watch the addicted body and mind freak out.
Friends who smoke please be patient while I hide from you for a while. For that matter, all friends should probably hide from me for a while because I am frequently going to be a raging psychotic bitch. Wish me luck. See you on the other side I hope.
1 comment:
Heya Coops - Craig listened to this dude's audiobook: http://www.theeasywaytostopsmoking.com/ and was totally floored (and quit with total ease). At the end of the audio book they make you smoke one last one, and he couldn't even finish it (totally disgusted and disinterested). Might be worth a try.
Post a Comment