I hated Saul Bellow's "Dangling Man" when I first read it because it was uncomfortably familiar. At the time, it made me alternately bored and anxious. Today I am dangling like Bellow's somewhat pathetic anti-hero Joseph. Waiting, waiting, waiting, no forward motion. Never been any good at that anyway. Compound that with a little PMS and a malaria medication with a side effect of depression. Oh yeah.
I guess I love that book now, because all these years after reading it, that quietly terrifying place it took me is surprising still a vivid memory. Recognizing it makes me know it passes and it is not really even special or noteworthy. It just passes.
It's a state of drowning in the freedom I asked for, of living ridiculously trapped in the doom of imagining the worst possibilities.
Floating. Dangling. Just a matter of perception. Hopefully the wind turns me to face a different sky and it starts feeling like floating again.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
guerilla marketing for the monkey
If you missed this during Fringe, I highly recommend it. I did see it, and I'm going to see it again. From the fabulous Allegra Lingo ...A Heap of Broken Images
Thursday, September 14th 9 pm
Center for Independent Artists 4137 Bloomington Ave S, Mpls
more info
Fringe button gets you a $2 discount.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
floatin'
Today I'm getting pre-travel vaccinations. Alan says they will make my arms hurt for several days. That sounds like a wonderful way to stay constantly aware that we will be leaving soon. Mmm.
Today is Robin's first day at the Fringe. (She's my replacement at the Fringe.) I'm thinking she should sit at my desk so that it will start being her desk, and I'll just sit in the corner with my laptop. Yeah. That sounds good. One foot out the door.
Just got back from a week off spent relearning what I do with spare time and starting to try on the new suit of joblessness. Very unfamiliar this feeling: floating without mission, affiliation, title, do-list, board of directors. It is both exhilarating and disorienting. I'm teetering between excitement and panic.
Went camping last week along a river. Watched leaves float precariously along unpredictable currents. So lovely. So full of possiblity.
Today is Robin's first day at the Fringe. (She's my replacement at the Fringe.) I'm thinking she should sit at my desk so that it will start being her desk, and I'll just sit in the corner with my laptop. Yeah. That sounds good. One foot out the door.
Just got back from a week off spent relearning what I do with spare time and starting to try on the new suit of joblessness. Very unfamiliar this feeling: floating without mission, affiliation, title, do-list, board of directors. It is both exhilarating and disorienting. I'm teetering between excitement and panic.
Went camping last week along a river. Watched leaves float precariously along unpredictable currents. So lovely. So full of possiblity.
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